What is Codependency?


What is codependency?

If I’m going to be writing a blog on codependency, it’s probably a good idea to define it for you. This is actually a difficult concept to define because it is so broad. Codependency, in one sense, is old school idolatry. It’s looking to anything or anyone besides God to provide you with everything you need to feel valued and safe.

The other side of codependency, is since other people and things cannot provide 100% of our needs, in fact, people often damage us rather than protect, we develop coping mechanisms to get us through our fears, insecurities, and life difficulties. This can play out through how we do relationships, how we eat/take care of ourselves, and how we view reality.

In Pia Mellody’s book, Facing Codependency, signs of a codependent are having difficulty in:

  1. Experiencing appropriate levels of self-esteem
  2. Setting functional boundaries
  3. Owning and expressing their own reality
  4. Taking care of their adult needs and wants
  5. Experiencing and expressing their reality moderately (Mellody, pg. 4)

I have personally experienced each of these symptoms and began the process last year of overcoming these life obstacles. It’s been one of the best ventures I’ve taken in life. It’s hard to face the unpleasant (and sometimes tragic) parts of our life, but I guarantee you it’s worth it. Face your fears and your pain. Be honest with yourself and grow because of it. You’ll begin to see the broken ways you are handling life.

It can be painful, but! It is not until we discover these coping mechanisms and surrender our damaged selves to the Lord, that we can truly experience freedom from the pain of our past and how that translates into our present situations.

So, welcome to my blog. Where I will share with you my own journey to functioning healthily and in full surrender to God. Happy processing!

1. Mellody, Pia, Andrea Wells. Miller, and Keith Miller. Facing Codependence: What It Is, Where It Comes From, How It Sabotages Our Lives. San Francisco: Perennial Library, 1989. Print.

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